D - Dry humor o’mine, where art thou?

We have a saying in Brazil. Actually, we have lots of sayings in Brazil (and I love to use them), but this particular one goes like this: you lose a friend but you don’t miss a joke. Yeah, I know. That’s just the way we are.

But I am a bit more. I’m a bit over the top, a Brazilian on steroids. I have absolutely no notion of personal space or social boundaries. I become really close to people within minutes of meeting them. I feel comfortable to make jokes at all times. I make fun of everyone and everything. And, above all, I’m sarcastic. I never miss a punch line. My humor is dry, and witty, and cruel, and I always have an answer on the tip of my tongue.

Needless to say, people either love me or hate me. In Brazil, that’s a pretty balanced ratio, so I can be myself knowing that I have many close friends who adore me just the way I am. But my sarcasm and my lack of knowledge of social rules didn’t do wonders for me in America. I was caught off guard, really. I mean, didn’t Americans come up with characters like Chandler Bing and Dr. House? I thought I could be like them and it would be okay, but apparently that’s only okay on TV.

So I tuned it down. I learned to think before I opened my mouth. After offending quite a few people, I learned to ask all the time if I was being offensive. I reduced the swearing, controlled the sarcasm, tried not to make fun of people, their ways, their culture. And I became a much milder version of myself. (Which my psichiatrist refers to as being blasé)

Now – and some of you might have read this on this blog before – there are two versions of me, one in English and one in Portuguese. The real me is back in Brazil, as sarcastic as always, full of punch lines and witty comments. The English me is on this blog and on my manuscript. And guess what? I often find that version lacking a voice. I read this blog and I don’t think it’s funny. I read my manuscript and I don’t think my MC as half as quirky and over the top as I am. Why? Because I’ve been afraid. I’ve been telling myself the whole time “watch out, you’re writing this for an American audience, please don’t offend anyone”. I’m afraid I’ll hurt people’s feelings, I’m afraid agents will find my voice offensive, I’m afraid my real self will be unpublishable. So I hold back. And while doing so, I make my writing bland. And it makes me think of a Brazilian song (I quote those a lot too) that goes “how many of the flaws fixed with time were the best thing in you?”

So, my suggestion is, don’t hold back. Show your flaws. Flawed characters are the best, anyway. I’ll still have to learn how to do that. Maybe I’ll keep holding back, at least a little. But, as another Brazilian saying advises, “do as I tell you, not as I do it.”

P.S. - I read this over. Hundreds of times. I asked myself if anyone would be offended by it. Are you? Am I ok? Do you hate me yet?
P.S. 2 - Yes, I am in therapy.